Shoot ‘Em Up
(2007, Michael Davis)
“Bobcat” Goldthwait, comedian and star of stage and screen, used to tell a joke about watching TV and, upon hearing the opening theme for Entertainment Tonight come on, he’d mime removing his entire head, quipping “Guess I won’t be needing this!”
I was reminded of this bit within 5 minutes of Shoot ‘Em Up.
Some modest spoilers to follow after the jump.
So, yeah, this movie starts out ridiculous and never lets up. In fact, the movie revels in reaching new levels of utter silliness. My particular favorite ludicrous scene is a shootout while skydiving, which is about as dumb as it comes. Except it should hardly surprise anyone by the time that it occurs — since it follows scenes where Clive Owen participates in gunfights while (1) in the middle of delivering a baby or (2) making love to co-star Monica Bellucci. While this genre is ripe for spoofing, the film never delivers. Instead, it gives us more of the same, choosing a safe route with heroes that lust for blood and spout terrible one-liners. With its simplistic plot, hammy acting and structural leaps of faith bordering on offensive, Shoot ‘Em Up is strictly D.O.A.
Owen and foil Paul Giammati seem to be having a blast while completely slumming it in this boorish attempt at satire. I’ve heard theories that Owen approached this film as a response to the offers he’d received to portray James Bond. Whatever the true story, it certainly doesn’t excuse this dreck disguised as a rip-roaring, bloody time. I think I’m dumber for having participated in it. Now, where did I put my head?