TAR 12 – Episode 9 – Saved by the Bell
Pictured: A.C. Slater, super stud. Check out those guns, that Jeri curl. Honestly, what girl could resist?
Anyway, moving on to The Amazing Race. If I’ve got one beef about the show, I guess I dislike the way some teams teeter on the brink of disaster brought about by their own idiocy, and the show saves them and gives them new life.
I dislike the non-elimination legs on the Amazing Race. Even though there’s always a penalty for checking in last at the Amazing Yellow Bathmat, they’re still ultimately rewarded: “Okay, you did really, really poorly. Honestly, you were clueless out there. But hooray! You still move on to the next round!” Kinda makes the whole leg seem kind of pointless. It’s the TV equivalent of the NHL regular season. Every team advances simply by competing — except, of course, the Chicago Blackhawks.
I guess the TAR Spoiler Alert should come early this time around. So, SPOILERS!
Legs like the one that Rachel & TK ran this time around — magically edited and condensed for your viewing pleasure! — should lead to automatic Philimination.
This team waltzed out of the starting gate, dicked around with the slowest flights to the finish line (it’s earliest to arrive, not earliest to leave that counts), and yet still managed to survive. It was like they performed a huge shout-out to Season 1’s Team Guido near-elimination to Team Momily.
Permit me to enter the Wayback Machine…
In that particular episode, which contained the saddest Philimination ever, Team Guido beat Nancy & Emily to a Fast Forward and then promptly stopped racing. Instead, they assumed that the next bus out of town was hours off. Rather than check for other options, they rested on their laurels and checked into a hotel for some rest. Meanwhile, EVERY other team got ahead of the Guidos. They would have been eliminated were it not for Team Momily. Frustrated by losing out to the Guidos, and frustrated by the confusion that is India: The Great Equalizer — they deliberately broke a rule, and suffered a 12-hour penalty. After the FF, the Guidos did nothing right to win that leg, yet lived to see another day.
Sometimes, karma’s just out to lunch.
Order of finish:
Ronald & Christina – Look ma! No bitching! However, I have to defend Ron a bit here. I thought his assessment of Chris as a poor driver was more nastiness aimed at his daughter. The truth is that she’s absolutely terrifying behind the wheel. I’ve never seen a TAR racer so discombobulated in a regular car. I’m surprised the Japanese couple she transported didn’t soil themselves several times over.
Jennifer & Nathan – Woo-hoo! No first for you! Last week I said that I hope they make the final 3 just to watch someone else beat them. Now I rescind that statement and go back to my earlier one. Which is that they need to go away ASAP and leave no forwarding address. I’m exhausted from rolling my eyes about them.
Nicolas & Donald – Carry my bag, Nick! I’m tired! You know what’s funny? That Nick’s day job as a pilot involves him getting from one place to the other without getting hopelessly lost. How come he can’t do that on land?
Rachel & TK – These guys are like a pair of Mr. Magoos. Forever stumbling through life, avoiding danger by pure luck and never being consciously aware of it. Apparently, excessive pot intake makes you invincible. Look up in the sky! Is it a bird, is it a plane? No, it’s Captain Roachclip!
Predicted order of Philimination:
1. Nicolas & Donald
Kynt & Vyxsin
3. Ronald & Christina
Shana & Jennifer
Kate & Pat
Azaria & Hendekea
Ari & Staella
Marianna & Julia
9. Rachel & TK
Lorena & Jason
11. Jennifer & Nathan
Actual order of Philimination:
1. Ari & Staella
2. Kate & Pat
3. Marianna & Julia
4. Lorena & Jason
5. Shana & Jennifer
6. Azaria & Hendekea
7. Kynt & Vyxsin
Next week – If there’s another non-elimination, I’ll spit nickels.
Links to previous TAR sojourns:
- Episode 8 -Oh! Calcutta (and Other Cities of India)!
- Episode 7 – The Road to Hell
- Episode 6 – Airport Follies
- Episode 5 – Counting your lucky stars
- Episode 3-4 – Hernias for all!
- Episode 2 – Getting dirty
- Episode 1 – Reassessing my snap judgments
- Pre-season – Handicapping TAR 12